FLOATING FLOCKS OF CANDLE SWANS

Renz Roxas here! I like to write stories but none of them are finished. I love to love. And nothing can stop me, except myself and my parents and God of course. I'm inspired by my friends who won't stop making my days a roller coaster ride, by my family and relatives, most especially Elaine Roxas, Mean Roxas and Jeffrey Castillo. Don't get me wrong, they all inspire me on their own little way. I guess people think it's okay to leave when you need them the most. I'm experiencing it right now, and because of those people (even if some of them are not beside me) I can fight. I started writing here as a place to vent about things. People often mistake me as being mellow, but it’s not true. I just internalize my anger and shame. When I do this I find that it’s nearly impossible for me to get upset about anything in my day-to-day life. The last three years have extinguished that flame, and boy has it been a fucking ride. I don’t trust people. I expect them to lose hope in me, to abandon me, to carry on and live their lives bereft of my presence. I have had a couple life-altering experiences in the last few months, but I can’t write about them. That’s a strange spot to be in when you consider yourself a writer. Most of my art suffers from the same reality as I do, just a constant wait, a build-up, only to be thrown away moments after climax. I don’t even know what self is. I’m a biological monster, a creature operating on pleasure and fear. Always. Pleasure. Fear. They are one in the same. Sometimes I feel like my time here is wearing thin. That’s all. I LOVE LIFE.

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